Contents

WHAT’S HERE

“All Write By Me” features creative writing from Phil Comer. Come in, pour a cup of red zinger and relax. Sit a spell.

Here’s a guide to the stuff you’ll find. Articles link directly. Just hit “Go!” 

And if you already clicked the SECRETS tab, you know a cool video lurks beneath most titles.

Scroll on for full calorie content:

RUBY CHEEKS, A NOVEL BY PHIL COMER

Highlights and excerpts from Ruby Cheeks, the novel I'm querying, my first. It’s a tragic yet funny Southern story about a circus clown who abandons her son in childhood only to show up forty years later as if nothing happened. His attempts to “fill in the blanks” for those missing years unleashes Southern-fried calamity. Check it out! BTW, this introduction to Ruby Cheeks is one of the “most viewed” posts on “All Write By Me.” (go) 




Ruby Cheeks, a novel by Phil Comer

 

INTERVIEWS
"Phil Comer Interview" by north Georgia journalist and crack writer Candice Dyer, a free-ranging conversation on the dove porch. The video linked to the title is a bluegrass version of "Walk Like an Egyptian," in honor of Candice's Appalachian roots. (go)

"Interview with Phil Comer" by award-winning Utah-based writer Alicia Caldwell for the Write-Brained Network's Spotlight feature. Get up close and personal. (go)

TALES FROM THE “HEART OF JAWJA” BY PHIL “BUD” COMER 

Check out the latest from Sandtrap in the Heart of Jawja, a place that never was but oughta be, as told by Bud.

The “Top Three” Heart of Jawja tales by views are:

#1 "Stigmata Are Easy" is a flashback on love and commitment. The title-linked video is "Sound of Music" flash mob choreography in Central Station, Antwerp, Belgium. (go)

#2 “Karen Black Encounter” or “Bag Lady Bites Dog, Becomes Celebrity.” Bud is accosted by a sorta, maybe, kinda famous actress. The hidden video is the trailer for Ms. Black’s movie “Stuck,” filmed in the Heart of Jawja.  (go) 

#3 “Lovey Dials the Dead” reminds us it’s not always fun and games in Sandtrap. This sobering ditty rips your heart out and serves it back cold on a skewer. This won first place from the Southeastern Writers Association. Click the title, or the link at the end, for the tantalizing “Ping Pong Piano Concerto,” sure to restore your smile.  (go)

Other “Heart of Jawja” Tales:

“Tater Tots in Mourning” chronicles the volatile immolation of Sandtrap’s elder exhibitionist, Tater Tarver. The video hidden beneath the title is the Orangiana dominatrix commercial. “Now strip.”  (go) 

In “Squash Casserole,” Queen Tush makes dinner for husband, not her own. The title-linked video is Scissor Sisters’ “Any Which Way,” which will have you smelling “like cocoa butter and cash.”  (go)

“Ding Dong Avon Calling,” Sandtrap’s horseback Avon Lady attempts a gay makeover. Behind the title, the “Cat With Glasses” dude does more stop-action video, annoying a few cats in the process.  (go)

In “Boor Wars,” Roy Rogers (Cindy) and Dale Evans (Diana) ride into town to take on the big city boors. Attached is a parkours video that defies gravity and left me queasy.  (go)

“For Goodness Snakes,” it’s been a bad season for serpents in Sandtrap, so find here snake-proofing tips. Another Orangiana commercial linked to the title, this one with sexy zebras and a lusty bear.  (go)

SILLY POEMS BY PHIL COMER

The “Top Three” Silly Poems by views are:

#1 “Gnomes Go Home” is a punny gnome rap inspired by Guide to Literary Agents’ editor, Chuck Sambuchino. Chuck's seriously gnomophobic. I read his book. Now I am, too. This is the #1 viewed poem and one of the most viewed posts on “All Write By Me.” The video link is Israeli animation set to music with helicopters, war and stuff. Sweet.  (go)

#2 “In Meowrium,” a wee elegy for Billy Buckhead, a lap a cat. Behind the title link, Little Sparta and “The Mean Kitty” song.  (go)

#3  “Stalker Poem (My Darling)” is something I perform at open mics. Demented stuff. In the title link, the spirit of notorious Chester Burge recites this “Stalker Poem.” Chester dedicated it to his wife, just before he killed her. (See more on Chester Burge below.)  (go)

Other Silly Poems:

“Song for Benny” is a ballad dedicated to the Geechee/Gullah community in Lowcountry, Jawja. The poem is excerpted from my novel in progress, Sapelo Queen. The video link is a vintage toe-tapping, finger-snapping Georgia Sea Island Singers’ performance of “Here Comes Day.”  (go)

“Limerick Plus” is a limerick that doesn't know when to quit. The video beneath the title is Loco Mama’s “Candy Bra,” a freaky riff on “candy bar.” Don’t confuse one with the other.  (go)

“Breaking Up Sucks” is a snarky lament on heartbreak, but the video beneath the title is a love story. BBC’s ”Torchwood” time-traveler, Jack Harkness, goes back in time to meet the dead man whose identity he's assumed.  (go)

“The I-Cat Was Not Amused at Christmas” A persnickety feline gets holiday comeuppance in this seasonal cat tail, uh, tale, told in verse.  (go)

INTRIGUING STUFF BY PHIL COMER

“A Chicken Goes in a Bar” is an homage to cartoonist Gary Larson and his “The Far Side” panels. Here you find scenarios and captions Larson might have come up with himself. This is one of the most viewed posts on the blog. Connected to the title, silly German boys “body-sign” to Daft Punk. Read fast.  (go)

"The Devilfish" is a holiday tribute to the late Landon Fuller, a remarkable man who not only witnessed most of the 20th Century, but paid attention. Hidden behind the title, "A Social Network Christmas," a novel retelling of the Christmas Story Facebook style. (go)

"Evangelicals Urged to Stalk Gays in Small-Town America," Bud/Phil (one and the same) argues within himself after attending an "ex-gay" revival meeting orchestrated by "Focus on the Family" and "Exodus International." He reflects upon his religious upbringing and life’s small absurdities. This funny/serious expose placed first in nonfiction at the Sandhills Writers Conference.

Part 1 "The Jesus Piece"  (go)

Part 2 "Lesbians Are Hot" (go)

Part 3 "Mojo of Homo No Mo'" (go)

Part 4 "The Exorcism" (go)

The Spirit of Chester Burge portrayed by Phil Comer

“Chester Burge Monologue,” a Spirit performance piece in five acts, each of less than a minute. Someone mysteriously throttled Chester Burge’s rich wife in 1960. When Chester beat the murder rap, prosecutors charged him for sodomy with his chauffeur and won. In the spooky-fun animated video link, Chester Burge’s zombie appears to a befuddled modern-day office worker. “Brains taste like hot buttered popcorn.” Who knew?  (go)

"Essentially," in this riff on FOX News' stated position that "Pepper spray... It's a food product, essentially," we discover that all manner of calamity is not so bad as it seems. Just spin it like FOX does.  (go)

CEMETERY RAMBLES (about, not by, Phil Comer)

"History Lives at Rose Hill" by Dan Maley. Local coverage of a ramble led by Phil Comer through historic Rose Hill Cemetery in Macon, Georgia.  (go) 

"Group Shares Stories from the Cemetery" by Jackie Finch. Bloomington, Indiana coverage of a ramble led by Phil Comer through historic Rose Hill Cemetery by the incomparable writer and editor, Jackie Finch (go) 

GUEST FICTION

"Stains" by Jessica Lynne Garrett. Great and edgy short fiction by a talented young writer. (go) 

"PARADOKE CORNER." A COLLECTION OF PARAPHROSEDOKIAN EXPRESSIONS

OK, “paradoke” is a word I made up, but it can now be Googled!

The “Top Three” Paradoke categories by visits are:

#1 “Doctor’s Orders Top Ten” This category includes Rodney Dangerfield, Mel Brooks and Groucho Marx. Groucho wins. In the video link, “Torchwood” images are set to The Killers’ song, “Take Me Where the White Boys Dance.”  (go)

#2 “’Sick’ Top Ten” Of course, the winner in the “Sick” category is Stephen King. In the video, Gnarls Barkley’s “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul?” takes “heartrending” literally, cuts it with a knife.  (go)

#3 “The Incomparable Junior Samples”  Folks in Sandtrap, Jawja, are proud of favorite son, Junior Samples, a big star on tv's “Hee Haw” show way back when. All the other “Paradoke” categories are Top Tens, but Junior earns a Top Twenty.  Linked is Kelly’s “Let Me Borrow That Top” video. She asks, “Aren’t we friends?”  (go)

Other Paradoke Corner Categories:

“Pollyanna’s Top Ten” Henny Youngman and Mae West battle it out for first place. Attached is a Swiss tourist advert that makes you want to go there.  (go)

“Irreverent Top Ten” George Carlin and Lily Tomlin tussle for top spot. In the video, Kelly’s classic “Shoes.” Kelly’s gonna get what she wants.  (go)

“Snarky Top Ten” This category’s surprise winner is Winston Churchill. In the video link, Lady Gaga goes to war in this “Telephone” remix.  (go)

“Outstanding in the Field Top Ten” Dorothy Parker and Groucho Marx duke it out for Number One. In the video link, Israeli singer Ivri Lidner’s great song. It’s in Hebrew. I have no idea what it’s about.  (go)

“Ironic Top Ten” First place in this category contains darn good advice concerning tomatoes. The video link instructs on social networking etiquette, “Facebook Manners & You”  (go) 

“Too True Top Ten” Much good paraprosdokian advice in this category. The video link is cute French animation that makes everyday seem like Valentine’s.  (go)

“Now Cliché Top Ten” These are the old saws. Vince Lombardi, Casey Stengel, Ben Franklin and Groucho all pitch in. The title video link is the “Simply Irresistible” dance sequence from the Broadway  musical “Contact.”  (go)

“The ‘CYA’ Top Ten” The #1 spot reaches way back to Samuel Johnson. The freaky video link is Cobra Starship’s “I Kissed a Boy” interpreted darkly by guys named Matt & Liam.  (go)

“The ‘Lucille Ball’ Tasty Bakers' Dozen” The #1 spot reminds us: Read the Bottle. Lucille Ball, what a doll!  (go)   

Phil Comer, Home place, Sandtrap, Jawja

TRUE CAT DIARIES Coming Soon!

“True Cat Dairies,” told by Me Cat, translated from the Catonese by Phil Comer. Me Cat, a grey flannel kitten, investigates life’s physics’ quandaries as he attempts to evade Sister Cat’s fangs.

Right now, all that’s there is a cute kitties picture and a link to another stop-action video from the cool cat who goes by the handle, “Cat With Glasses.”  (go)

TO SUMMARIZE:

#1 in views: “Highlights from Ruby Cheeks,” excerpts from my novel (the "tabs" at the top aren't counted with "most popular" posts listed in the right column)  (go)

Otherwise, the current “TOP TEN” posts by views are found in the right column and link directly to the post.

But I bet you’ll enjoy a down home visit to Sandtrap, Jawja. So check out the latest.  (go)

Now scroll back and pick something! Browse around.

Thanks for stopping by "All Write By Me"! Enjoy your stay.


About the Video Links:
You do understand, you have to go to the article first, then click on that article's title to see the video. Then hit the "back" arrow to return to the article. And, please, if any of the video links "break," or a video is removed from YouTube or the source, please let me know. This is a group effort! Many thanks.

Contact Info:

philcomer [at] aol [period] com.

Damn spider-bot zombies sucking our digital brains out. And please put something more personal than "Hi" in subject line. That’s what all the zombies say.

© Phil Comer

Text is copyright material. Ruby Cheeks photo by Maryann Bates, models Jessica Walden and Anthony Ennis. Boardwalk, Midway Ride and Petra photos by Phil Comer, Desserts photo and Home Place photo of Phil Comer by Gary Cutrell, Photo of Phil Comer as Chester Burge by Maryann Bates, Gnome photo by Getty Images, "Roping Cowboy" photo by the artist Ron Yrabedra. Unless stated otherwise, links not back to this site are for information and not the property of the author.