ESSENTIALLY by Phil Comer

"Pepper spray... it's a food product, essentially."

FOX News' talking air head Megyn Kelly demonstrated yet again why people who watch FOX News know less than people who watch no news at all.  

Ms. Kelly and FOX News added their usual twisted spin - deferential to authority, dismissive of victims' suffering - to the tear-gassing of passive Occupy Wall Street protesters at UC Davis. That's why their audience-base LOVES FOX News, and the rest of us quiver.

But Megyn Kelly "essentially" opened a world of possibilities.

I'll start... Feel free to jump in. Anyone can take a whirl at the FOX News' spin game!

A TORNADO is a breath of fresh air, essentially.

A TSUNAMI is a memorable day at the beach, essentially.

NAGASAKI and HIROSHIMA were urban renewal, essentially.

GLOBAL WARMING is early spring, essentially.

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001 was a sunny day, essentially.

GEORGE W. BUSH was a president of the United States, essentially.

"If the Bush Fits, Wear It"

EXTRAORDINARY RENDITION is a free plane ride, essentially.

WATER BOARDING is neti potting, essentially.

NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST is a roaring campfire, essentially.

A TRAIN WRECK is Michelle Bachmann, essentially.

ELECTROCUTION is a bad hair day, essentially.

A FIRING SQUAD is a ventilation service, essentially.

A FLAT TIRE is a chance to clean out your trunk on the side of the road, essentially.

HORSE PUCKY is fertilizer, essentially.

MUSTARD GAS is a condiment aerosol, essentially.

A BLOOD BATH is a spa option, essentially.

A RIOT BATON is a French tickler, essentially.

A PIT VIPER is an excuse to jump and holler, essentially.

LANDMINES are limb trimmers, essentially.

SPIDERS are opportunities to squeal like little girls, essentially.

MORASS is why men step-out on their wives, essentially.

A PIT BULL is a yappy fuzz ball, essentially.

RAPE is an unplanned date, essentially.

HIV is a less than perfect date, essentially.



"Seated Sailor, Reclining Nude 1948," Yannis Tsarouchlis



DEATH is a white shirt with no wine stains, essentially.

PTOMAINE is a ptombstone in a choice of colors, essentially.

BOTULISM is complimentary Botox, essentially.

CARPAL TUNNEL is the latest wrist wear, essentially.

PEPPER SPRAY is a golden shower, essentially.

STONING is rocking to sleep, essentially.

ARMED ROBBERY is charitable giving, essentially.

A HEAD-ON COLLISION is traffic calming, essentially.

The BLACK DEATH was an errant flea circus, essentially.

WAR is a failure to see things our way, essentially.

CLAP is leaky pipes, essentially.

A BRAIN TUMOR is a senior moment, essentially.

Dorli Rainey has senior moment at Occupy Seattle

FORECLOSURE is two closures squared, essentially.

MASSACRE is a bigger-than-43,560-square-foot playground, essentially.

DEBT COLLECTORS are like that creepy kid in high school who had a crush on you, essentially.

HOMELESSNESS is endless redecorating, essentially.

MAYHEM is what you sing in church around Mothers' Day, essentially.

CORPORATE GREED is the cats' pajamas, essentially.



Cat Tripping Zone

Breathe.

That essentially is it, Pardner.



"Roping Cowboy" by Ron Yrabedra

 

But there must be more! Keep going, essentially…

Text Copyright © 2011 Phil Comer.

Photo credits: 1950s Bathing Beauties, attribution unknown; "Bush Fits Wear It," attribution unknown; Michelle Bachmann Iowa corn dog, attribution unknown; "Horse Hoof Guy (Horse Whisperer, Not a Farrier)," photo by Kristen Thomas, model Doug Hanna (1975-2012); "Sunday in the Park with George," Photoshop artist unknown; Pit viper photo by Robert Crowell; Sarcastic dog photo, unknown; "Seated Sailor, Reclining Nude, 1948," Yannis Tsarouchlis artist; "Balancing Act," Sidetracks Bar, Chicago; "Toy truck on rock pile," photo by Rob Apsley; "Toy Cars," photo by Phil Comer; "Occupy Seattle November, 2011," photo by Joshua Trujillo, Dorli Rainey subject; "Pepper Spray Cop Baloon," photoshop artist unknown; "Cat Tripping," photoshop artist unknown; "Harmony cats," unknown; "Roping Cowboy," photo by artist Ron Yrabedra. Additional attributions will be added as available.

Unless stated otherwise, illustrations and links outside this blog are for information and are not the property of the author.